When you are young, life tends to be sprinkled with death. Up until my 20's I had a light sprinkle. The deaths of 3 grandparents & the death of my dog stand out. I also remember my neighbors friend was hit by a car while riding his bike in the fog, I didn't know him but I can tell you that I have never gone by the bridge over Blackburn Road with out thinking of that boy and his dad. (Who was the police officer called to the accident unknowingly!!) In my 20's I experienced my first death of a friend & fellow lifeguard. He was driving home from Santa Barbara to east Ventura in the wee morning hours and just blocks from home he fell asleep. There's another haunted place for me for sure. Ben's grandfather died when I was 28, I had only briefly met him, he waited to meet Emma before leaving us. Two years prior I also lost an uncle.
It would seem that it was my 30's where the sprinkles got a little heavier, more like a light rain. In the first half of my 30's my last remaining grandparent passed away. I lost three more uncles as well. I lost my beloved Bungee, a dog who saw me all the way through college, marriage and the births of all 4 kids. I never knew I'd feel such pain over losing him.
Recently I had the honor of doing one of the readings for my friends mom's funeral Mass. It was quite likely one of the most difficult things I have done in recent memory. Once back in my seat I saw her daughter, my friend, give a most beautiful eulogy with strength, with her heart and with so much poise I could not help but admire her. When I asked her later just *how* did she do it? Was it all that time in the theater department? Her answer was that her mom was right there with her- by her side, giving her that strength. This is what I hope and pray for others as I hear of tragic losses. That their loved ones stand beside and give them strength. I've seen it happen, I know they can.
I always thought that my peers, my friends, my classmates from high school would live on for many many years. I guess that is the expectation and hope for everyone really. In the last few months, two young men that I used to know, that I used to see in classes, swim on the swim team with or just hang out and chat with at lunch have died. It just seems so wrong.
Esau died first. Cancer took him. I haven't seen him since graduation. What I remember about him is that he smiled more than he frowned, he laughed often and was always kind. He was a gentle giant of sorts. I can't imagine anyone who met him, not liking him.
Just this last Saturday Greg died. He was surfing- something I would bet he did more days than he didn't. I swam with Greg through high school. I did stats for the water polo team that he played on as well. What I remember about Greg was that he had a general shyness about him- until he was with all the guys. There he was goofy and funny and laughed a lot. He sure was not shy with them. My sophomore year there was a group of us who went to prom together.
Seven swimmers and one runner. :-) I went with Greg. Poor guy had to wear a white tux! You'd think I could have found a dress that didn't require white! (and that wasn't straight out of Cinderella!!) I think he pulled it off just fine though.
Don't we look so young!
Anyway the fact that I have not seen or talked to these two guys in 20 years did not take away the impact their deaths had on me. There is still a terrific sense of loss felt.
I think of their families~ moms, dads, brothers, sisters, kids (oh my gosh the kids) and their spouses. I think of the friends who have stayed in touch and been a part of their lives over the years. It is pretty painful to think of this, whether you know the person or not, you imagine you know how any one of those people are feeling, but I know I don't. There is still a sense of personal loss however. A pain felt that floats in and out of my thoughts.
I have 4 years of high school memories. Those have now become precious moments in time that have taken on a new meaning. Knowing that there will be no chance meeting around town, no new friend requests or new messages on facebook, no chance of seeing them at the 20 year reunion. No chance to hear them brag about their kids, no chance to tell them about mine, no chance for any new memories. Yes, there is definitely a loss felt.
Death is a part of life. Something we all have to figure out somehow. As painful as each death is, it is not the kind of thing you ever hope to get used to. It is going to happen more often now, it just does. Those sprinkels have already turned into a bit of a light rain.