M+B=E2O2

hard to post

I've found it hard to post these last two weeks.  We had company for most of that time, and their bed was in the room with the computer.  Though I don't know that I would have posted much even if we'd been on our own.  I think I needed some time to just be.

I went  to Danny's memorial service on Saturday.  It was really very lovely.  I don't think I have cried so much in a long time though. I sat up with Noelle and her mom & brother- along with all of our other halves.  It was cozy, and it was what Schzelle wanted. 

I think one of the most difficult parts of the ceremony was the playing of Taps and the Folding and Presentation of the Flag.  Danny was born in Greece and knew not a word of English when he came to the U.S. at age 16.  He later became a citizen and served this country proudly in Vietnam.  Hearing Taps, seeing the flag, watching the soldiers fold it  so carefully- was not so much a sad moment as it was a moment to feel the pride and love for our country that soldiers have.  Knowing that so many serve and die for me is a feeling like nothing else.  Knowing that Danny was one of those men, makes me feel so very proud of him. 

Danny and I shared a love for the ocean that only another sailor can know.  I understood his desire for a boat and his need to be on the water.  I've tucked away those desires and needs of my own for the last 10 years.  I look forward to the day we buy our first boat- so sad that I won't get to share it with him but knowing  he will be smiling down for sure.   His ashes will be spread out on the water he loved so much, near our beautiful Channel Islands.  I know I will not be able to look at the Great Pacific and not think of him. 

I don't know that my posting will increase in the next few weeks.  We have company coming out from the East Coast, friends we haven't seen since we left Philadelphia 7 years ago.  They will be here for the  week after Easter and Ben is taking that time off.  We plan on having lots of fun!   I am reading most all of my regular blogs though-   mostly from my phone, so while I can comment- I don't usually since I don't have my handy spell check! I am spending the next couple of weeks getting the house ready, and making sure everything is in order. 

The Happiest Place

My friends step-dad Dad- he was the only father she's truly ever known- died Wednesday night.  Noelle, her brother and her mom were all there with him.  Noelle said he finally looked pain free.  He'd been in so much pain these last months.  I am so glad I had a chance to see him and say goodbye Monday night.  He was not lucid, but I don't doubt he could feel  the presence of those who loved him.

I took an impromptu trip to Disneyland Wednesday and all day I kept checking my phone.  I somehow just felt like I knew he would go that day.  When at 7:15 I got a message from Ben that said "call me now", I just knew.  We were just getting to the front of the line of It's a Small World when I got a hold of him.  He told me to call him once we were off the ride, Danny had died about an hour before.  As I sat there entering the happiest ride in the happiest place on earth the  tears streamed down.  At the same time my dear Emma, who was  not into most of the rides at Disney, was  elated with It's a Small World.  She was clapping and smiling and turned to me saying "Mommy I LOVE this ride!!!!"   Then she saw I was sad and asked "Mommy, don't you like this ride??"  I assured her I did and took the peaceful time on the ride to think of Danny, how he is the one truly in the happiest place on earth and beyond and to think of all my memories of Danny, his voice, how he talked.  Some might think that was not  the best of places to hear such sad news, I don't think I could have picked better.

My Birthday

Ben & I went out to dinner -alone- for my birthday.  the kids went to MIL's house for a few hours & we were on our own.  originally we had planned on going to a Mediterranean style place downtown, however as we drove up the coast and looked out at the islands and the setting sun, we opted for a seafood place on the pier.  here was our view as we had a cocktail upstairs while waiting for our table.

  the ocean was calm, but there was enough  surf for the die hards to grab every last wave before sundown.  our wait was around 45 minutes.   Long enough for a drink, some chowder & some bread.   After dinner we went in to the little gift shop and I found this cute purse. every thing is outlined with little beads- it is just so cute!

Oh and here's how my flowers are looking. the orange ones still need to blossom, but man are these purty!. 

 

As an aside, I may not be blogging much- though I will try.  We have unexpected guests, my friend and her boys are staying with us, they got here Saturday.  My friend's grandmother is dying, and they wanted to come be with her.  She lives up in Northern Cal.   On another sad note, my longest time girlfriend is losing her step-dad.  He went into the hospital on Saturday and it looks as though he will be there until he returns to God.  Girls please send a few prayers this way- for our strength more than anything.  Comfort measure are being taken for both at this point and both have had their last rites. 

Lookie what I got

on my doorstep today!

Ben got these from Proflowers. I highly recommend the company- this is the 2nd bunch we've gotten and we've sent them as well- they are awesome.)  The kids were happy to know that they sent them to me as well.  (this picture was taken with my phone- so the quality isn't great.  In a couple of days when the purple& orange flowers open I'll take another pick with my real camera.) Tomorrow I leave the world of a 34 year old and move on to 35.  Good thing I got 2 boxes of girl scout cookies from my friend Tina.  One can never eat too many of those as a 34 year old, but at 35 I may have to start paying attention to what goes into my mouth.  (and thus onto my belly)

My girl friend Lauren gave me these on Wednesday.

They smell heavenly.   

Dental blues

This morning I got to take the crew to the dentist with me.  I've had to  do it before, the  office is small an they have a box  of toys for moms like me.  Olivia fell asleep which made it lots easier.   I have a temporary crown and it seems that all the drugs I've been taking for my elbow pain have been masking my tooth pain.  So now I have a new appointment to get a root canal.  yippee. 
That was our big excursion for the day.

  I folded at least 5 loads of laundry, most all of which I put away- that seems to be the hardest part for me. I also swept up the floors and vacuumed.  Call me Merry Maid and throw me a mop. 

mobile blogging

I am typing this post from my new phone.  how cool is that.  now I can ignore my household responsibilities from the couch instead of the computer room.

[Posted with hblogger 2.0 http://www.normsoft.com/hblogger/]

So how is homeschooling going?

I truly love homeschooling.  I love the lifestyle it allows, the freedom from someone else's scheduling.  We create our own schedule with things we want to do- and at this age, it is mostly filled with park days  and field trips.  They are in gymnastics once a week,  and I plan on enrolling them in an art class weekly too- Emma just loves to paint so much that I'd love for her to have a "real" class to explore and learn in.  The knitting is going great- we missed last Tuesday due to a rough morning for  me,  and several errands that had to get done in the afternoon, but the kids love love love it.  Owen is able to knit slowly on his own, Emma needs me there to guide her a bit, but she gets it.  I am now knitting a scarf for someone- not sure who but I am having fun making it.

I really believe anyone can homeschool, they just need to want to- there are so many resources available, so many different ways to homeschool, from  a classical education  to an eclectic loosely structured unschooling environment.  There is no wrong way to do it really.    Most areas have local groups that have park days.  They will usually  have book clubs, movie clubs, field trips, newsletters and some do yearbooks and school pictures even. 

For many homeschoolers, the decision to homeschool is a total leap of faith.  It is trusting in yourself and in your child.  I do not believe it is the right choice for everyone, but I do believe any one can do it.  I have many days where I wonder if the kids are getting anything, times where I wish they could go to school for a few hours so I could have some peace, but any negative feelings or times that I have are few and far between the absolute joy I feel when I see how happy they are, how well they play together, how much they have learned despite my ineptness  to teach them. The burden of their education is on my shoulders, yet it feels like more a  privilege most days. How could they fail if I have them in my heart?  Who says that if a child isn't reading by age 7 they won't read ever, it's silly really that all children are expected to meet such developmental milestones at the same time as everyone else.

Why do I home school?  When did I first think about it?  This blog is  the one that inspired me to homeschool 7 years ago.  Back then it wasn't a blog, but a family website.  I happened upon it on accident, and it changed the course of our lives.  This family  unschools , something I'd never heard of as and educator- and something I might have scoffed at if I had.  Now it is largely what we do.

How is homeschooling going for us? 

I just spent the day with a friend at a  museum. We watched our children play, learn and explore, and I didn't have to pull my kids out of class to do it.   

I'd say it's going GREAT!

21 days

Have you heard of the Church in Kansas City that started a program where the goal was not to complain for 21 days?  They wear bracelets like the Live Strong kind and if you complained you'd have to switch wrists and the day count started over.  I think I heard that it took the pastor 3 months to go the 21 days in a row. 

I've been thinking about this off and on during lent.  The reason 21 days was picked was because it is theorized that that is how many days it takes to form a habit.  (Google 21 days and you'll be given a long list of habits you can form)! 

So what I wonder is what counts as complaints?  I don't see myself as a whiny, complainy person, but I haven't even attempted this yet, because I am unsure of a few things.  I know that if I were to say "Ughhh I can't stand my hair right now- it really needs a cut & color!! Why don't I ever get  to go get it done regularly!!!"  that would count.  What if I took off the last part- they "why...."?  I think I'd still say it was at least kinda whiny and count it as well.  But what if I just said "I wouldn't mind a trip to Missy's"  (My girl!)  Is that a complaint?  If the tone is neutral, and I'm just stating something obvious- like that (and right now in my case- all the bits of gray and the over an inch root line- it's a tad obvious!!!) Would I have to start over?  And what about saying to no one in particular but in earshot of the offending children "I wish you'd stop fighting and just be nice to one another!!"  This is something that I say at least once a day to the kids- different pairs on different days. 

On the website of the originating Church rule two says:

2. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping or criticizing (it’s ok, everyone does) move the bracelet to the other arm and begin again. 

so I guess based on that I'd have to say that even stating the obvious,  in a non whiny way would probably count.  Whatcha think?   I wear a Live Strong bracelet all the time and have considered using that to switch- though I guess that is not as good as ordering a few bracelets- everyone (just about) knows what the yellow means- wearing the purple would generate questions and help keep me honest once the truth was out. 

Is it weird that I am a bit afraid to try this?  With 4 kids is it even something I can come close to doing?  I say this because I think I complain about their behavior more than anything else-  when I need a hair cut I do usually say- the latter of the two comments.  Writing this down  and saying that I complain about my kids more than anything else kinda  hurts-  I love them more than I can express.  I imagine I complain about them most because I am with them more than I am with myself. Still... 

I'd love to hear opinions on this-  I imagine the choice is mine- what do I want to consider a worthy complaint.  And those ones that walk the line- the ones that are a complaint in sheep's clothing- I  think that  they'd count too- because even when I just say I want to see Missy-  I know that inside I feel a bit frustrated that I don't get to go as often as I want to.

I'm certain about one thing though.  The fear of failing daily scares me.  Which is all the more reason to try I suppose.
   

Science Lesson

I had a late afternoon appointment today with the dermatologist.  No, no botox, or micro derm for me.  I have (had), a funky lump in my elbow that has been bugging me.  I noticed it about 6 weeks ago, showed Ben, who was somewhat unimpressed by it at the time.  A couple weeks later I had him feel it again, as I thought it had grown.  He was much more impressed this time as it had grown- significantly.  It was also causing me some pain and discomfort.  He got a recommendation for a  dermatologist from one of his colleagues and I called up for an appointment. 

I used up all my babysitting points in the last couple of days with MIL so I really didn't want to ask again.  Yesterday I had 2 hours of dental work done (my mouth is still quite sore thank you very much) and the day before I left them with her for what I though would be a half hour- that turned into 1 1/2 hours. 

We had gymnastics in the late morning, then went to a local beach park for lunch.  It was supposed to be book club day, but one of the moms had a sick girl, so we decided to postpone that and just have a park day.( this was great for us since we hadn't gotten to the chapter we were supposed to yet).  We spent two windblown hours at the beach- but it was really quite nice. a little cool, very windy, but sunny.  Kids had a blast and left somewhat easily.  As always I enjoyed the time with like minded adults. 

The derm office is across the street from Ben's, so I had some small hopes of him making it over to help with the kids.  A few unanswered texts later I wasn't so hopeful.  The Doc took a look at my lump and offered to remove it for biopsy.  Ben had warned me that this would happen so I agreed.  Owen was fascinated by the whole thing.  All of them were really.  He wanted to be up close and personal, the others were happy to sit in the chairs across from me.  They all told me to be brave and strong while I got my lidocaine shots.  The large lump it produced was also fascinating.  When he came back to cut me open (boy that sounds dramatic doesn't' it?)  Owen was all ready to watch.  He asked if he could stand close to see.  The Dr. told him where he could stand, as long as he didn't touch me or him all would be fine.  As the blood came out all three kids gave choruses of "eeeeewwwww gross!" Owen commented that I "had a lot of blood".  He also had a tough time believing that I was not in any pain over all that blood.  They all got to see the cyst in the little jar.  They were all pretty impressed with that I'd say- a little grossed out, but impressed.  I now have two stitches in my right elbow, can't bend it, or lift with it for a couple of days and can't get it wet for twenty four hours.  Good thing I got a shower yesterday- wish I had today!!  We then had to go get Ben because I realized I would have a hard time putting Olivia in the car seat.  I knew I could take her out at home one handed, but getting her in would have been a bit rough.  Fortunately he was done seeing patients and was able to come down to the car with us.  I'm afraid to go to sleep now since I usually rest my head on my bent right arm.  I sure hope I don't rip the stitches out in my sleep! ack. 

So this counts for science right?